Under Plain Cover

New lyric by Barry Brown and Pete Atkin for the Revue 'Under Plain Cover'
(sung to the tune of Lennon & McCartney's 'Eleanor Rigby')

Under plain cover
It is amazing the things you can buy nowadays
Secrecy pays

Brown paper packets
Postmarked Uttoxeter, Basingstoke, Folkestone or Leek
They seem to speak

To all the anxious postmen
Wondering what's inside
Our myriads of ghost-men
With something strange to hide

Under plain cover
Things that you really don't want all your neighbours to know
Like C P Snow

Cornflake competitions
Leaflets on slimming and how to develop your chest
Prudence is best

Bunny Club subscriptions
Will never go astray
If they bear descriptions
Marked RSPCA

I look at all the kinky people
I look at all the kinky people

Under plain cover
Hiding the nature of things that are best left unearthed
Ruff's guide to the turf

How to go [?????]
Things you apply to smooth over your knobbly knees
Or how to train fleas

They're best under plain cover
Things meant only for you
Things you would not show mother
St John's Rag Day Review

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